


stuck with U

by helloimtrash



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: 3rd chapter: shurei :), Domestic Fluff, Drabble Collection, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, for light reading purposes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:07:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26514172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helloimtrash/pseuds/helloimtrash
Summary: The only difference between the last KID heist and this one is that somewhere in between, Shinichi started caring.
Relationships: Akai Shuuichi | Okiya Subaru/Amuro Tooru | Furuya Rei, Kudou Shinichi | Edogawa Conan/Kuroba Kaito | Kaitou Kid
Comments: 19
Kudos: 220





	1. don't humanize me

**Author's Note:**

> [and i still wouldn't trade being stuck with you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2jvHynuMjI)

So, here’s the thing. Shinichi knows both in theory and via his own experience that Kaitou KID is competent—frighteningly so. Four years and counting of activity and no task force had ever come close to even brush his cape. Shinichi _knows_ this—he’s watched KID dive off skyscrapers and he’s watched Kaito devise escape plans off simple building blueprints but–

 _But!_ He’s also seen him run into the same mirror twice in a row at a fair once, for god’s sake, and he’s seen him attempt to pull a door with the PUSH sign at eye level for an entire fifteen seconds—granted, it was 8AM and Kaito’s usually grumpy at that hour, which is why Shinichi hadn’t even bothered to tell him at the risk of getting snapped at and had just stood by and watched with quiet fascination—and this morning, this _morning_ , Kaito tried to block off the construction work noise by putting on his sleep mask.

So really, Shinichi thinks his current worry is totally justified. After all, it’s the first heist after Snake, which means it’s the first heist after Kaito got shot and subsequently hospitalized, which also _means_ it’s the first heist Shinichi’s been to _after_ he’s got to know the guy behind the scenes and—well.

The guy behind the scenes is an idiot, and Shinichi’s a little worried.

In the eleven months of dating a magician however he’d managed to perfect his poker face, and so his only concession towards an outward display of concern while Suzuki proudly listed off the high-security measures taken tonight is tightly pursed lips and an index finger pressed against his mouth while he fixedly stares off into the distance without blinking once throughout Suzuki’s whole speech, and surely _electrocution_ was a bit extra against a nonviolent thief?

He takes Ran aside.

“What?” she says as she shrugs off Shinichi’s light grip around her elbow.

“Look, can you tell Sonoko to tell the old man to take it easy? They're being a bit dramatic."

“They’re excited!” she protests. “It’s KID’s comeback.”

“He’s coming back from a bullet wound, Ran.”

She frowns, confused. “Didn’t he get shot, like, a year ago?”

“And he hasn’t performed since,” Shinichi replies absentmindedly, picking at his lower lip. “He could be rusty.”

“Relax, alright? Kuroba’s a monster. Have some faith.” Shinichi’s staring at a point past her shoulder but his eyes focus on her face and the fond smile on her lips when she takes his hand and guides it away from his mouth. “Don’t let him see you worry. He’ll totally be offended.”

.

.

Shinichi is in a good mood, unlike the guy next to him, who’s sitting upright with a scowl and his arms crossed instead of invading Shinichi’s personal space like he usually does on trains. They are on a train, the last one home, and Shinichi knows exactly the reason Kaito’s sulking.

“Why are you sulking?” Shinichi asks.

“I’m not sulking.”

“Alright,” he shrugs, and checks his nails during the silence that follows.

It doesn’t last a minute. “You know I got into places that were way more heavily guarded than this."

Shinichi lifts his head to look at him, but Kaito's looking the other side. “I know.”

“I broke into the Iron Tanuki safe and everything. I walked on air.”

“U-huh.”

“There’s like, seven arrest warrants out for me right now. You know that, right?”

“Of course.”

When Kaito finally turns his head to look at him, it’s with narrowed eyes. “…Do I need to get more warrants? Is that what’s gonna take for you to stop? ‘Cuz I _will_ get more warrants.”

“Please don't get more warrants. What’re you talking about?” Shinichi asks, 100% innocent.

“Don’t think I didn’t hear you mislead the task force. I had a radio, Kudou. You doing my job for me now? Don’t touch me,” he scowls, leaning away.

Shinichi retracts his hand in favour of an eye roll. “Come on. I was just looking out for you.”

“Did I ask you to?” Kaito doesn’t move, arms still crossed and brows still frowning. Ah, Shinichi thinks with a small smile, he’s mad. “I don’t want you to go easy on me just because we fuck.”

“Surely we do more than just that.”

“Just because we fuck and I let you buy me food.”

“Is that all I am to you?” Shinichi laughs, and then puts his hands up. “Fine, I’m sorry. Next time I’ll just stand by and let you get arrested.”

Kaito scoffs and looks away, digs his tongue into the side of his cheek and drags it along the inside of his bottom lip. It’s a thing he does when he’s either silently jealous, Shinichi’s come to notice, or pissed and being passive-aggressive about it.

Shinichi glances around, and the train car’s empty save for a businessman passed out on the other side. He turns back and tugs at Kaito’s sleeve. “Kuroba?”

Kaito remains unmoved, his scowl all the more petulant with the way his lips jut into a pout. It’s far from the shit-eating grins and evil reverb laughter not only an hour ago. Shinichi smiles, a little stumped, a little in love. He scoots closer. “Kuroba, come on.” Poke. “Kaito?”

And then he leans his head against Kaito’s shoulder with a defeated sigh. “Forgive me?” he asks, out of options. He tucks his hands into his pockets and stares at the folded newspaper abandoned on the seat across, and he’s pouting now too, a little, but come on, Kaito’s being unfair. “I know that you can handle yourself, I do–but you’ve been in convalescence for, what, over a year now? You can’t blame me for worrying. Wouldn’t you?”

“You said you’d stop once I could do back flips again,” Kaito mumbles, but the way his shoulders slump tells Shinichi he’s on the right track.

He nestles his cheek against the grey fleece fabric. “How am I supposed to stop worrying over the guy I love?”

“…I hate you,” Kaito says and finally uncrosses his arms, but he still grumbles, for the sake of appearances, “See, this is why I didn’t want you to humanize me.”

Which just makes Shinichi huff a silent laugh because he thinks of all the times he’s seen Kaito sleep eat carried conversations with him through an open toilet door has seen him in all the possible lightings and angles has seen him whine while sick and grumpy in the mornings and terrified shitless of dead fish in the farmer’s market seen him with tear tracks and skin kissed purple and puke on his shirt and cum on his stomach.

Shinichi says, “I think we’re way past that,” and then he takes his right hand out of his pocket to cup Kaito’s face and kiss him.

Kaito kisses back, but it’s not like Shinichi’s had any doubts he would. He feels the wet press of Kaito’s tongue and opens his mouth in response, the drag of his bottom lip moving back against his own in the familiar rhythm they always end up settling into. It’s slow and deep and one of them sighs into it.

Kaito breaks the kiss, eventually, but neither of them actually pull away. Shinichi rests his forehead against the thief’s temple when the latter looks around, frowning. “Wasn’t that our stop?”

“Was it?” Shinichi whispers right before grabbing his jaw to turn his head and kiss him again.


	2. pirates, bro

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dumb dialogue & gosho guys

“Perhaps we should refrain from chasing KID, tonight,” Hakuba casually drops in the middle of brunch, which is a combination of words that wouldn’t have been out of character had it come from the person currently sitting next to him, yet were an undeniable cause for concern coming from the British detective, and, as such, draws the collective attention of the table, snuffing out the previous conversation that was mostly idle complaints about the hot weather.

Hattori is the first one to verbalize his surprise in the form of an eloquent, “What?”

Hakuba regards him with a patient look, wringing his fingers together. “If we catch him–”

“You wo-on’t,” Kaito sing-songs.

“In the event he does get caught,” he insists, pointedly ignoring his friend, “he’s going to be acquitted, as by sole virtue of our current location,” he waves around, at the clear stretch of ocean and a shoreline growing more and more invisible, “whatever he will do tonight won’t constitute a felony.”

“What’re you _talking_ about?" Hattori laughs. "Course it will. Doesn't matter if we're in foreign waters or high seas, it's still a Japanese ship, dumbass. Offenses commited on it are commited in the country."

That earns him an eye roll. “Your information is out of date, Hattori, which shouldn't surprise me, really. New legislation states, verbatim, ‘ _maritime offenses committed on Japanese ships are deemed to have been committed in Japan_.’ Take a guess as to what _doesn’t_ qualify as a maritime offense? That's right, grand larceny.”

“Um,” Shinichi says, but although Kaito spares him a glance, he gets promptly drowned out by the rapid fire back-and-forth between the two detectives.

“So, what? We're allowed to lift a multimillion dollar private property but we can’t partake in like, water pollution?”

“Or mutiny.”

“Okay, hold on, but this is KID we’re talking about. Guy’s got a laundry list of criminal charges at his name, right? So even if this particular one doesn’t count he’ll still get bagged for the rest of it.”

“You don’t understand, do you? It’s imperative that he gets charged for the heist he got caught committing, as a court of law wouldn’t be able to prove that the accused," he shoots Kaito an accusatory glance, but the thief barely lifts his eyes from the purple cocktail umbrella he's twirling between his fingers, "is the same KID responsible for his past heists.”

“That’s just ridiculous. Who else would it be? Like there’s two magician thieves out there with tacky top hats.” 

“Hey Kudou, this mimosa is kicking my ass,” Kaito laughs, and Shinichi tears his eyes away from the dumbest conversation he’s ever heard to shoot him an amused look. Under the table Kaito’s resting his feet on Shinichi’s lap, and he reaches down to circle his ankle.

"Yeah, they're pretty good," he says, thumb rubbing circles over the skin there, before turning back to the other two's conversation. He doesn't chime in, because it’s the most entertaining thing that’s happened so far at this murder-free cruise, courtesy of KID luck.

“That’s how it works,” Hakuba is saying, “Unless there’s undeniable proof of identity – which I’m working on – they’ll let him go, and you know what that means? One can’t be prosecuted for the same crime twice. If he’s on trial for being Kaitou KID and he’s acquitted-”

“He walks,” Hattori realizes. "Well, shit."

“Permanently."

“There has to be some kind of trick to it though, right? Like it can't be _just_ maritime offenses.”

"I'm convinced there must be some kind of additional provision that completes, contradicts or justifies this ridiculous restriction, but for the life of me, I can't seem to find it.”

"There has to be," Hattori says, and the conversation falls into a pensive lull.

Shinichi stares in disbelief.

"I have a copy of the Code in my room," Hakuba pipes up, eyeing the Osakan detective cautiously. "Should we...?" 

Hattori stares back. “...Screw it, let's go."

“You think they’ll fuck?” Kaito asks as they watch them go.

Shinichi grimaces. "Ew."

“Believe it or not, I didn’t even know about all that legal stuff.”

“I believe it, it’s nonsense," he says, absolutely unimpressed. "What you just witnessed was a real-life demonstration of the dangers of overthinking.”

And that tugs a delighted smile out of Kaito. “Shit, what'd they miss? I stopped listening after Hakuba said mutiny ‘cuz that sounds sick. I'm trying to figure out how to do that.”

"You didn't catch it?" Shinichi asks, surprised, and at Kaito's interrogative blink he explains, "The act of boarding a vessel with the intent to commit a theft, otherwise known as piracy.”

“...That,” Kaito says, pointing at Shinichi with the biggest grin, “is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. You think they’ll figure it out?”

"Eventually, I hope," he says, perturbed. Damn, he's really friends with those guys.

Kaito laughs.

"Hey," he says after a couple seconds of comfortable silence, and Shinichi looks up to meet his glinting eyes. "How does it feel to be dating a pirate?"

**おまけ**

"Yo, Hakubastard," Kaito greets as he walks up to the table where Hakuba and Hattori sits somberly, in a somber silence, with matching somber faces. He's tugging Shinichi by the hand. "Heist is in half an hour. You're just gonna sit there?"

"There's no point," is the reply, delivered in an emotionally vacant tone.

Shinichi raises his eyebrows. “Are you okay?" 

And that makes Hakuba snap his gaze on the detective. “How _could_ I be? The very foundation upon which I’ve built my system of belief, the _law!_ has revealed itself to be so vulgar, so... disappointingly manmade.”

“Don't tell him,” Kaito says.

"Tell him what?" Hattori frowns.

Shinichi takes his free hand out of his pocket to chuck him over the head with it.

“Ow! The fuck was tha’ for?” 

“Hattori!" he says, disappointed. He'd definitely raised this guy better. "Pirates!”

“...Holy shit.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is just gonna be my meaningless drabble warehouse from now on cuz i like writing stuff like this to unwind!! quite frankly i shouldn't be in law classes. i have no idea what i'm doing minoring in this shit. wish me luck on my exams next week though. godspeed to me.
> 
> btw obligatory know nothing ab japanese legislation, but the maritime offenses thing is an actual loophole (with many others) according to my professor in this country. it's the only thing i remember from the 500-long pages syllabus, along with this one article that has a provision right in the end that gives permission to just. Not do what the article says. the belgian criminal code has no business being this funny. 
> 
> anyway yeah so i was saying i have no idea if the reasoning here holds but it's funny. and after this shitty semester i don't wanna know. if anyone talks law to me i will throw up on your shoes.
> 
> happy 2021. <3


	3. eight a.m

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shurei

Rei waltzed into the kitchen at eight in the morning with slippers, sweats, and a bedhead, and before he’d even fully crossed the room to sit down, announced, “We need to talk.”

Shuichi was eating a bagel. From the outside, he looked awake and alert, dressed for the day, though the absence of The Beanie probably gave away his inner state. It was eight in the morning, you see, and Shu was still half asleep, bleary-eyed, taking slow bites and generally trying to remember how to function. He heard Rei before he saw him, however, and consequently raised his head in some sort of pavlov-esque instinct, before blinking in confusion when the words registered. 

He glanced down at his phone, checking the date. 

It was not that.

“What is it?” he asked, very cautiously.

Instead of sitting down, Rei pressed a palm on the table and leaned over with a pissed scowl. “What do you _think_ it is?”

Before slamming a roll of toilet paper on the table.

Shu… stared at it.

“I’m afraid I’m going to need more from you," he said after a couple of seconds.

“That’s my line. I let you shop unsupervised and _this_ is what you buy?" 

“What’s wrong with it?” Shu said instead of _it's eight in the morning._

“Where do I _start_ ," was Rei's reply, with frankly too much vitriol for a context this meaningless. He hadn't gotten this worked up when Vermouth shot him. Shuichi took a long sip as he silently watched the blonde unroll the TP to illustrate his presentation, with an expression that told Shu he would probably try to criminalize one-ply toilet paper today. "It's too rough, it's too thin - one ply, really? It's supposed to desintegrate in the water, not fall apart _as_ I'm-"

“I’m eating,” Shu interrupted, and dropped his bagel back on his plate.

“The flash papers Kuroba uses for his little magic tricks have more structural integrity than this." Rei concluded, and leaned on both his hands on the table as he stared at Shuichi with narrowed eyes. “What kind of sick psychological warfare is this, FBI?”

“I promise," Shu said, as he stood up, "that I do not buy toilet paper with malicious intent.”

“So, it’s just poor taste, then.” Rei plopped down on the chair with a sigh, following him with his eyes as he made his way to the coffee pot. “This is a dealbreaker for me.”

Shu's lips stretched into an amused smile that Rei didn't see, as he had his back turned to the table to fill his mug. “You would end what we have over shoddy toilet paper quality?"

“Yes, and so would every person with a shred of self-respect." He tapped the tip of his index finger against the wood and leaned back on his chair, legs crossed. "Kudou will side with me on this.”

"The kid sides with you on every issue," Shu pointed out, matter-of-factly. "He looks up to you too much."

"Not my fault he grew out of his impressionnable phase and started seeing you for the bum you are."

Shu's shoulders shook with silent laughter, not in the least vexed. He was actually in a great mood. Rei and him were fighting about toilet paper. For their place. Where they both live.

(And in terms of inter-family disagreements that actually matter (read: not about home essentials) he usually had Shiho in his team, so it was fine.)

"Here," he placed the mug of steaming hot coffee in front of Rei and brought an affectionate hand down on blonde locks. "Drink this.”

“Thank you,” Rei said angrily.

As he sulkily sipped on his drink, Shu moved to stand behind him, sliding his hands down his head and on his shoulders to massage them. “How about we go to the store together this evening?"

"Hm, sure. We need to pick up some food for the dog anyway."

Shuichi smiled with disbelief and shook his head.

"Yes," he said, thumb rubbing an absentminded circle against the back of Rei's neck, "we'll go to the grocery store and pick up some dog food. For our dog."

.

.

“So how’s marriage?” Shiho asked over lunch.

Akai grinned. “It’s great.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They Make Me So Happy.


End file.
